There are so many things to write about, but I guess all I can start with, to avoid being frozen-by-choice, is with the here-and-now. It’s 10:15pm on a Monday night. I want/need to pursue my own interests again, but I also want to be there for my kid. (There’s a book called The Divided Heart that I’d like to read, about women who are split between motherhood and their creative interests, but I’m not allowed to buy it. I have a whole shelf of intriguing-but-unread books! I’m only allowed to buy another new book if I read 20 books from the Unread Shelf. It’s gonna take a while.)
Trying to spend good wallops of time reading and writing was probably a good idea… a few months ago. When my kid had a pretty stable routine during the day: 2 hours asleep, 2 hours awake, repeat. Now, the days are more like this:
- Day 1: 7:00am wakeup/breakfast/play, 8:45–10:15am nap, play/lunch, 1:00–1:30pm nap, play, 3:00–4:45pm nap, play/dinner/play, 7:15pm bed
- Day 2: 7:30am wakeup/breakfast/play, 8:50–9:50am nap, play/lunch, 12:30–2:30pm nap, play, 3:30–4:00pm nap, play/dinner/play, 6:40pm bed
- Day 3: 6:50am wakeup/breakfast/play, 8:30–9:30am nap, play, 11:00–12:30pm nap, lunch/play, 2:30–3:30pm nap, play/dinner/play, 6:30pm bed
I want to spend about 2 hours writing and 1 hour reading (both 6 days a week). And I think I work best (as do many people, it seems) when I can get into a rhythm with these things. For example: after breakfast, 2 hours writing; before bed, 1 hour reading.
Alas, with the days’ randomness, it’s hard to get into a rhythm like that. Even when he’s napping, there are certain other tasks that, sometimes, I have to do (especially when he’s teething, or needs extra attention when he’s awake): like shower, or eat, or get organised.
Yes, sure, once the kid’s in bed, I’m free for 12 hours. I could have a schedule at night. But there are other things to do at night-time, like have dinner and conversation with my partner, and maybe watch a movie together, or go to yoga class, or go to dinner with a friend.
Or I could wake up at 5:00am and get started then (hahahahahhahahaha, just died laughing.)
Tonight I went to yoga class, which was from 7:30–9.30pm. I want to get a good night’s sleep; I want to go to bed before 10:30pm. That means I have no time to write, though.
I’m considering asking my parents to babysit the kid, a couple of times a week, for half a day. Then I would have some regular, assured time. A couple of days isn’t enough to build a habit… but I don’t know what else to do. Being a carer is my primary job now. I guess my other interests have to fit in around the primary job, just like any other person with a full-time job. Maybe I can’t get the luxury of a rhythm; I have to squeeze in writing and reading when I can. I’ve set the daily target in Scrivener to be 1,000 words. I’ll see what I can do. Tonight, here-and-now, I have about half of that. And I still want to read a few pages of my book before sleeping. And I’m tired; I’m up past my bedtime. Zzzzzzz.