Small Insights

 * I don’t have to have a perfect, regimented daily schedule that includes both morning pages and meditation (which I was finding impossible to do). They are like software programs. Depending on circumstances, I can choose to run one program, both, or neither. Anytime.

 * Morning pages and meditation both help me to work out problems, work out what I think, plan things, and they usually improve my mood. Morning pages especially helps with planning and finding direction. Meditation helps more with spontaneous new ideas, and it has also changed how I listen to people. I used to be a person so eager to converse, to have a flurry of back-and-forth; now I am learning/changing to not be so desperate for that immense exchange. I can be still and listen.

 * Always tell people what you are striving for: If I had not written and talked about wanting to find people to make things, I would not have found any. I have three dates, maybe more!

 * If you are frustrated that something isn’t as good as it could be, it might be something you should do yourself. (Similar to the envy exercise: Consider people you envy. What is it about them that you really envy? You need/want to be doing that thing.Victoria Cullen suggested I should do an intro talk at a hackathon. She’s right. There are other things that people have suggested, and… they’re right, too. I need to look more closely at my criticisms, like the movie critic who subconsciously wants to be a film director.

 * After so long – trying to parse and concisely understand my previous job experiences, but I had only produced a mishmash of imperfect theories – it has come down to this: I was bored. But there are two types of bored. There is big-picture bored (a bored soul), and there is small-picture bored (a boring moment). There were usually enough challenges so that I wasn’t bored day-to-day, but my soul was bored. I wanted so much more. I wanted excitement; I wanted to change the company and products and in big ways; I wanted to be around other people who wanted so much more. I wonder how many other people are out there  thinking, “Well, it’s not that I’m bored… so I don’t know why I feel this way,” when really, their souls are dying of boredom, and if they were given a chance to make a company amazing, they would thrive.

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